


The Chosen Goose

by kira_katrine



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Untitled Goose Game Fusion, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 07:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21115169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_katrine/pseuds/kira_katrine
Summary: The goose with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be hatched as the seventh month dies...





	The Chosen Goose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fencesit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fencesit/gifts).

“We must destroy all geese that are hatched at the end of this upcoming July, and do so as soon as possible.”

Voldemort’s Death Eaters looked at each other. None of them were exactly  _ opposed  _ to the idea of killing the geese. Geese were inferior creatures in just about every way; they contributed nothing of value to the world and were really quite horrible all around. However, the Death Eaters were not entirely sure why their lord and master had been so fixated on this lately. He had mentioned a prophecy that said something about how only a goose could defeat him, but… really, they were just birds. How was a goose going to vanquish the most powerful Dark wizard in the world?

“The prophecy said the goose would be born to those who have thrice harassed me,” Voldemort went on. “I thought at first I could narrow things down that way, but there are so many awful geese in the world, it is impossible.” And it wasn’t like he could tell all the geese apart just by looking at them anyway. “Therefore, we will have to eliminate them all.”

“HONK!”

Voldemort jumped, suddenly afraid. He knew that sound, that cursed sound, now endowed with so much more meaning than it ever had been before. He reached into his robes for his wand… and came up empty.

“HONK!”

“Do something!” Voldemort hissed at his Death Eaters, a bit embarrassed at not being able to deal with this goose himself.

Lucius Malfoy was not entirely sure what exactly the Dark Lord wanted them to do about the goose, but he knew better than to contradict his master. He reached for his wand--but his was gone as well.

“Don’t think you’ll get away with this, goose!” he said, feeling rather silly. “We know you’re here to spy on us, and we will find you--”

“HONK!” The goose waddled out into the center of the circle of Death Eaters, then lunged towards Crabbe and Goyle, flapping its wings and honking loudly. The two men tried to run away, stumbled, and banged into each other.

“Accio wands!” Snape, who still seemed to have his own, called out. As he did, several wands came flying into the circle of Death Eaters from every direction. In ducking to avoid them, none of them noticed the goose disappearing into the darkness.

“That goose was clearly in league with Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix,” Voldemort said. “I would not be at all surprised if it were connected to the goose of which we were speaking before. Snape, you will provide me with information on any such connections.”

“My Lord, I am unaware of any geese being involved with the Order,” Snape said.

“Well, perhaps it is time that you became aware of it.”

“My Lord, have you ever considered the possibility of recruiting some of these fowl ourselves?” Bellatrix suggested. “I believe they could be quite useful to us in taking down our enemies. Or perhaps they could be used as torture implements…”

“Geese cannot be trusted, Bellatrix,” Voldemort said. “They have no loyalty but to chaos. Destroying them is the only option.”

Meanwhile, the goose was long gone, on his way back to his mate and their egg. An egg that was due to hatch at the end of July...

* * *

“This is where we must leave him,” Dumbledore said, gesturing towards the perhaps-a-bit-too-normal-looking house at Number Four, Privet Drive. With him were McGonagall and Hagrid, the latter of whom was holding a tiny fuzzy gosling wrapped in a blanket. It would almost be cute, to someone who wasn’t aware of the kind of creature this baby would one day grow to be.

“Are you certain?” asked McGonagall. “Would it not make more sense to take him to some sort of wildlife sanctuary? Surely they take in orphaned animals like this all the time. They wouldn’t ask too many questions.”

“I could take him in,” Hagrid said. “I reckon it’d be a pretty nice life for a goose, out on the school grounds… swimmin' out on the lake and all that. I’d have to keep him outta the forest, though… wouldn’t want nothin’ happenin' to him in--”

“HONK!” honked the gosling, with a voice much louder than one might expect for a goose so small.

“...Oh,” Hagrid said. “Maybe he doesn’t much like that idea…”

“In any case, I’m afraid he must stay on Privet Drive for the time being,” Dumbledore said. “And he will be coming to study at Hogwarts soon enough.”

“He will?” asked McGonagall.

“Of course,” Dumbledore said. He leaned forward as if to examine the gosling more closely. “I can tell that this is no ordinary goose. He is quite intelligent, and possesses more magical talent than I have ever seen in a goose before.” This was not saying as much as it might have been, as none of them knew of any cases of a goose attending a wizarding school before.

“HONK!” the gosling responded, then lunged forward and snatched Dumbledore’s glasses off his face.

“But do you really intend to leave him with… these people?” McGonagall asked as the gosling buried the glasses in Hagrid’s beard. “I’ve been watching them all day, and they’re… well, they’re horrible. They will never understand our world, and they seem like the sort of people who would despise animals of any kind--” Not that it would take a certain type of person to despise a goose, but even so.

“Ah, but that is exactly it, Minerva,” Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eye. “Three horrible humans. One horrible goose. I don’t imagine it will be much fun for the Dursley family, do you?”

As the three wizards left Privet Drive, leaving the gosling behind on the Dursleys’ doorstep, they all knew Dumbledore was right, for already they heard: 

“HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK!”


End file.
